Z.A.

taking a break from hours of work.

simply because.

i have neglected much part of life and it dawned on me that.
life is short.

and i should really try and fill it with things that are of benefits.

so for a break.

i decided to write a letter instead.

to a stranger.be it being read or not.
i would know i have written it still.
of care and of to pacify a half broken hope of a bigger dream that belongs to a stranger.

and so it goes.


to a Dear stranger,

you once told me.
in a long ago message.
of nothing but a screen and thousands of miles away.

a hadith shared.

Abu Yahya Suhaib bin Sinan (radi Allahu anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “How wonderful is the case of a believer; there is good for him in everything and this applies only to a believer. If prosperity befalls him, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him; and if adversity befalls him, he endures it patiently and that is good for him.” [Sahih Muslim]


and i remember.
i read this over and over again.
for the days of being alone in a place where loneliness is not an option but more of a decree.

and so. today.
months ahead.
i write this for you.
to the unsettled heart in a chest of a stranger.
'there is good for him in everything'
if you let patience follow through.
for indeed i chose you.
for the faith that is in you.

and if it is meant to be.
it is meant to be.
my name will still be there.
next to yours.
even for years to come.
and miles to go.

and if it is not.
insyaAllah.
Allah will reward us with something better.
that would bring more joy and laughter.
for He created us. and He knows us.
more than just by names.

:)

so.for today. nothing but words i have to offer.
and silent prayers in between nights of awoken slumbers.

be patient.
be patient.
Z.
theres always light from the stars of every dark night.

Sincerely,
 Me.

hang in there soul.

if life was without challenges,then it wouldn't be called dunya

this past few weeks have been hectic.
frustrating and tiring.

but like the saying says.

its dunya and it will never be settling.

and indeed with how i am leading my life at the moment.
Jannah has been more than what i want.

i want Allah.
for every bit of the second.
to relinquish the dirty garment of the world.
and just let me settle in its purest state.

i want Allah.

insyaAllah.

be patient dear soul.
have you no trust.
the best tarbiyah of life is life itself.
so put your trust in Allah.
and let Him sail your boat.
because even if the sea gets rough.
He owns the sea still.

and  in spite of all that.
in the midst of ranting.
i am thankful that Allah let a stranger to be known.
simply to remind me.

that.
if life was without challenges,then it wouldn't be called dunya

true. 

so hang in there soul. 

of holding on and letting go.

bagi yang sudah sungguh berjaya.
mampu bilang pada hati sendiri.
'ah. yang lepas itu lepas. dan yang hadapan itu hadapan'

untuk kawan yang insyaAllah sudah berjaya.
untuk paham erti letting go.
pada benda yang dirangkul erat pada hati untuk bertahun lamanya.
aku peluk dari jauh dengan kuat.
sebab sungguh.aku paham tak kan pernah mudah.

dan itu aku bilang kan.
'that person is a past with a lesson. and the other person is a future with hope'

jadi.
aku susulkan doa.
bagi moga Allah permudahkan.
dalam jarak masa yang hampir singkat.
biar sampai ke hujung garisan.

sebab sungguh.
Rumi benar.
life is a balance of holding on and letting go. 

tinggal kan mana yang perlu.
pegangkan mana yang mahu.

so untuk hari ini.
this post goes out to a dear friend.
yang dalam banyak-banyak paling perih usaha.
untuk paham erti letting go.

selamat bertunang kawan. 
i wish you well.
moga niat ikhlas terus tulus sampai ke Tuhan di lapis langit yang ketujuh. 
insyaAllah :)


dan jangan risau.
tiada erti kata Mr.Right or Mr. Wrong.
sebab sungguh Allah itu akan sentiasa beri yang terpaling sesuai dan yang terbaik untuk hamba Nya.

and you my friend.
deserve the  best for you.



knowing this.
made my heart grinned for a while.
knowing that.

tahniah juga neb.
you passed your phase.
long before.
untung bilang pada hati sendiri.

lepas itu lepas.
yang hadapan itu hadapan. 

antara iman dan harta.

apakah kalian tetap akan meneruskan adat dan budaya perkahwinan sang anak semegah dan sebesar terdaya?

aku rephrase;

kalian--
ibu2 dan abah2 seusia aku--
mampukah menerima kalau2 perkahwinan anakmu cuma kecil2 dan biasa2--
bertakdir menantu yang cuma cukup sifat dan kerja pula biasa2.

atau sebenarnya--
kita tetap akan meneruskan adat dan budaya orang tua kita yang rancak aku baca dari status2 sebagai sesuatu yang kalian paling benci?

benar,
semua ayahbonda mahu yang terbaik untuk anaknya.
jelas, terang dan hakikat.
maka itu bukan hujah lagi.

soalan aku--
biar aku ulang agar tak diserong nanti--

mampukah kau terima takdirnya kalau2 anakmu tidak mendapat menantu dan suasana yang ENGKAU ingini?

-Fynn Jamal. 


well phrased.
and it made me thought for a while.

how lucky i am.
in spite of being surrounded by such community.
ma and ayah never took part in any of such way of thinking. 

bukan pernah raja yang dicari. 
sebab sungguh tiada lelaki yang akan pernah cukup rajanya.
dan tiada perempuan yang akan pernah cukup puterinya. 
sebab dunia ini tidak pernah akan puas. 

tapi. 
jika redha Allah yang dicari. 
iman yang berkilau selayak nya perlu dipandangkan dan dimahukan. 

dan untung aku.
sebab tak pernah raja yang dimahukan ma dan ayah.
tapi hanya seorang lelaki yang Fatihah nya lancar.hati nya ikhlas. dan matanya terjaga. 

itu sudah cukup .

sebab mungkin kali mereka tahu.

aku ini bukan puteri. 
masih lagi bertatih mengenal Ilahi.
tak selayak nya diri sendiri menilai itu dan ini.
sedang kan iman sendiri masih lagi tercari-cari.

sebab sungguh.
kesempurnaan itu tidak ada jika dicari.tapi hadir bila mana kita sedar yang selalunya yang tak sempurna itulah kesempurnaan by its own definition. 


dan ya. 
yang biasa-biasa itu lah yang paling selesa.  :)

youtube is psychic!

was in the midst of doing work. 

and suddenly this played on random.

under youtube's mixed playlist. 

and all i can say is. 

even youtube reads minds nowadays. 

oh well. 

good tune nonetheless. 

and such apt wordings. 

of a reminder.

of nothing else but Him.

then i would know. 

that it is indeed true. 

insyaAllah.

----------------------------

there is no greater love nor care.

than the ones that are directed  to Allah. 

may we be amongst the fortunates.

to be granted love.

for the sake of the creator of  Love itself.

Islam does not forbid love.

what is forbidden is only the way we wrongly portray it.

so love as much as your heart can contain.

but keep your soul beautiful still.

for indeed.

 the best kind of gift to a lover.

is always.the beautiful soul of her/his lover.

of long weeks ahead. 

and of long weeks apart.

may the souls be at its purest states. 

Dan Dialah Allah , tidak ada tuhan (yang berhak disembah) selain Dia,segala puji bagi-Nya di dunia dan akhirat dan baginNya segala penentuan dan kepada Nya kamu dikembalikan;

Al-Qasas 70

faith.

of calm words and assurance.

of strong belief and perseverance.

indeed.
i have not chosen you with one eye closed.


'have faith Nurul. have faith'


insyaAllah.

patience will follow through.
i doubt you not sir.
if only you can see it.

:)

would you deny?

so yesterday night was wonderful.
though deciding to leave early after work at half 7 at night was not the smartest choice of all.
considering the amount of work i have to do on Saturday .(after i am done writing this. that is)
still.

it was lovely to just sit and reconnect with good friends after a week of plans,elevations and sections.
just the kind of laughter i needed.

lately things have been so smooth.
though my time for sujuds are cut short.
i feel even nearer to Allah than before.
surprisingly.

its enlightening to know that you speak to Allah.
and He listens.

by far now.
almost everything i asked for is being granted.
to a point that i feel i don't deserve it.

but khalas!

He is Ar-Rahman and Ar-Raheem.

compassionate of all time.
merciful of all levels.

He gives and gives.
and i receive and receive.

may i never stop of feeling grateful .
may i never stop of feeling the assurance that if i call Him.
He will pick up.

insyaAllah .

i don't have words befitting enough to portray His mercy as for now in my life.
but i have just the right kind of contentment in a heart that is at this point wide enough to receive it.

o Allah.
you created me from nothing to something.

and you gave and you gave and you gave.




So which favours of your Lord would you deny.  55:13


indeed.
i have none o Allah.

none to deny.


may He bring us all closer to Him.
and may He bring us all closer to the ones that will keep us closer to Him.

ameen . . . .

terserempak .

a long late night talk with ayah after the Nouman's talk is always wonderful.

and suddenly.

i am reminded how much i am still his little baby daughter.

almost everything was discussed about.
and at the end of the day.

its always the good old advice.

'put your trust in Allah adik. always put your trust'


and i sleep tonight knowing that.
even if i close my eyes.

Allah will always be there for me.


and indeed.
i am a milestone deeper in love with my Lord.

biarlah hidup sejuta tahun berseorang pun.
asal kan Allah yang jadi penemannya.

khalas.


insyaAllah.

hidup itu indah.
jika indah yang kita kejar.

hidup  itu payah.
jika payah yang kita papar.


o Allah.
please put my heart at rest.
for what ever that may come in life.

and one extra advice i received tonight was.

'what is meant .is meant to be adik. and what is not. let it go '


oh. i just have to love Allah for giving me an ayah that is just full of love.
now.
who says i need it from another man.
when ayah is enough. . .eh?

:')

of just silence.

I have phrases and whole pages memorized ,
but nothing can be told of love.

You must wait until you and I
are living together.

In the conversation we'll have
then . . . . be patient . . . . then.

-Rumi-


i was flipping through Rumi's book of poems this evening in between finishing a drawing.
and this appeared.
coincidentally.


just today.
as i was driving back home.
of tiredness. .
too drained with work.
and too miserable being immobile in between seas of traffic.

a thought came by.
for a moment.

wouldn't it be nice to have someone to talk to right now.  

not of words.
nor actions.
but mere silence.

those kind of conversations.
the kind that even an empty vacuum space couldn't break its silence.
the kind where you speak through your soul without a mouth to utter nor ears to hear.
just of two hearts.
and of two minds.

understood.
of its own language.

simply just to tell.

it has been a really long tiring day today.but i am glad i'll end it with you without an inch away.

just that.
and that is all.

of no words.
but just a simple accompanied silence.

and in that seas of traffic.
i knew. 
i have Allah to listen to my long day.
those kind of long days where you are just too tired of everything even of being alone in a car.

and this poem.
this poem appeared.
in all its randomness of it being today.
and i grinned for a while.
thinking to myself.
hmm...Rumi must have known myself today well.

and so.
to a stranger. ( which i really really hope won't be reading this. . .or else it'll be really really awkward but. ah. . .then again who cares. i just want to write.im tired of drawing for today)

so ya. . . .
it has been a really long tiring day today.but i am glad i'll end it with you without an inch away.

someday.

In the conversation we'll have
then . . . . be patient . . . . then.



*pengsan menangis 80 juta lagi drawings tak siap and i decided to write instead.typical*

dah kahwin?

so a conversation i wish i will never have to endure.

'eh. you baru sini ya?'

'yes'. 

'nama siapa?'

'...... or you can call me ............ .mana -mana aja'

'oh.ok.hye .......... . . . i'm ........... belajar mana dulu?'

'di UK'

'oh . . . .part 1?'

'ya.'

'dah kahwin?'

'belum.'

'oh . . .. . . ada boyfriend?'

'tak ada.'

'oh.......ok lah tu. im an architect. well you are too.'

'ya'

'sesuai lah kita.kerja pun bidang sama.can understand each other. you pun single. well i am too.' 

* dengan penuh yakin diri dia bilang like i really want to know those facts*

ya Rabb. 

kalau aja lah boleh saat itu aku bilang. 

'encik dengar sini ya.

pertama. tolong berdiri jauh sikit. saya tak selesa. saya perempuan.encik lelaki.

kedua. saya belum kahwin. tapi kalau lah encik tahu. saya dah NAK KAHWIN. bila? Allahualam.saya sendiri pun tak tahu. tapi yang pasti .itu lah FAKTA.

ketiga.saya tak ada boyfriend. saya tak date. dan jauh sekali untuk mencari. tapi. saya ada bakal suami. kalau encik nak kenal. saya boleh bagi no.telefon. dia baik. sesuai sangat di buat kawan. mahu?

dan keempat.

dah masuk waktu zohor ni encik.sesuai sangat lah kalau kita sibuk kan diri dengan solat.ya?'

oh. kalau lah boleh.

sudah tentu sekali bilang nya aja begitu.

but.

apalah nasib.

i only get to walk away.

and act innocent.

why?

because i seriously.do not want to be the bitter babe on my first day at work.

maka. . . 

dengan ini.

untunglah mereka yang sudah berkahwin.

tentu sekali aman hidup.tak diganggu semacam gini.

terjauh sekali segala fitnah duniawi.

cukup perasaan selamat sana sini.

sungguh.

untung.

kenapa?

sebab ini. . .

'eh. you baru sini ya?'

'yes'. 

'nama siapa?'

'...... or you can call me ............ .mana -mana aja'

'oh.ok.hye .......... . . . i'm ........... belajar mana dulu?'

'di UK'

'oh . . . .part 1?'

'ya.'

'dah kahwin?'

'DAH'.

'oh ok.selamat bekerja Puan . . . . '

hah! 

kan settle. 

moral of the story. 

bekerja lah gigih untuk ummah.

dan kurang kan lah kegatalan pada diri masing-masing.

sebab tak rugi apa pun pada diri.

sebab sungguh Allah lihat setiap inchi.

tak kan Allah offer syurga kita tetap nak lari?

so yes.

another day of tomorrow. 

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim . . .

and yes.
side tracking .

semalam baru aja terima wedding invitation di facebook.
untuk seorang senior architect dulu masa di Uni.

and guess what.

he's marrying an architect too.
my another senior.

*lompat-lompat happy atas katil for them*

but ya. NO.
ya Rabb.tolong lah jangan kasi aku end up sama architect juga.
i have met one today.
TAK NAK.

please. . . . . . :(

and this.

i place near to my heart.

at all times. 

patience will follow through.

if it is Allah you are relying on. 

then you are of no loss.

insyaAllah. 

Sometimes we can't see the way out of a situation nor the solution to a problem. Sometimes it's so hard not to give up and lose hope that things can change or get better. But it's at those times that we need reliance (tawwakul) most. It wouldn't be called trust if we could see the way out or the solution ourselves. Perhaps Al Wakeel (The Trustee) is making Himself known to you through a situation that you can neither control on your own, nor can you solve. And what greater gift could you be given than to know Him?

-Yasmin Mogahed-

with life. there is death.

i woke up to a loud bang on the wall.

after such a short slumber these few nights.
i was deep into my sleep.

and in just few moments i was awoken.

bang!bang!bang!

oh.the fear wasn't imaginable.

wait. what just happened?

bang! bang! bang!.

and with groggy state.
such weary mind.
i thought the house was on attack.
by shells!
oh no!
we are at war!

but.
few seconds into reality.

i realised.
it was just the construction guy.
fitting in the column of the outer wall.
for ma's new garage.

and i began to think.
oh how fearful it might have been.
for the Palestinians be it at the refugee camps.
be it at their own land.

of loud bangs every morning.
invitation to death.
from hundreds of shells.

and my heart wept.
this morning.
knowing that.
those bangs are not construction of dwellings.
but demolition of a society.
instead.

oh Allah.
i wake up every morning with ease.
on such comfy bed.
with a wonderful life ahead.

but they.
they struggle for yet another breath.

forgive me for all my ungratefulness.
forgive me for not caring enough.
forgive me for enjoying life too much.

to a point that i forgot.
if there is life.
there is death too.

protect those with You in their hearts o Allah.
join them with victory.
with only You as the end point.

(please.please.say ameen)

subhanaAllah.

i should start dedicating my life for them.
for they, dedicate theirs for Allah.

"If a person wakes up in the morning and does not know the affairs of the ummah; he is not one of us" Rasululllah SAW

the smile.

sometimes in caring.
we should show it in a different way.

because honestly.

to care for someone.
it means you don't want to hurt them .

and how can it be more hurtful than to offer them the key of the door to hell fire.

and tonight i truly realised that.

i am not willing to take that chance.

because how can i push the Creator of Love in choosing love itself?

and if anyone asked.
why would i push it away.
why blocking?
and why deleting?

well.

simple.

its because I CARE.

and its because.

I am too much in love with my Creator. to a point. pushing Him as second. is  never a choice.

He is the First.
be it before.now.or later.

and you would know.
you have chosen the right one.almost.

when the person.
too.
think of the same way.

insyaAllah.

for now.
i don't need the attention.
the pamper.
the soothing words.

i need faith.
from a person.
who values faith as well.

fasobirun jameel neb.

theres nothing more beautiful.
than the smile of Allah.

and nothing more soothing.
than to know.that is what you want.

i will be on my side.
and i will stay there.

and when it is the time for me to cross.

i'll cross it with the right one insyaAllah.

the person who waits.

i feel truly blessed.

if i could hug Allah now.

i would.

:)

me in another me.

i truly believe in the idea that we can never really know a person in its entirety.

be it someone who we have known for years.
or just seconds.

there is no way.
a person could know another person right to the core.

because in all honesty.
at all times.
we don't even know ourselves entirely.

life itself is a process of engagement with oneself.
a point of building up confidence,trust  and tolerance.
of discovering the entity within us WITH the others.
and it is somehow true that.
we only know ourselves.
when we try to get to know others.
probably the reason  why we are designed to live in a community.
and not in solitary.

and that became a thought that i kept to myself  for these past few months.
in pursuit of knowing a stranger.
i somehow.
got to know myself.
even more.

and that triggered to an even longer ponderation.
of what is the true meaning of 'the other half'

years before.
i have always thought.
that the idiom of 'the other half'
has always been interpreted as a poetic gesture of what love is.
a way of expressing romanticism of two becoming one.

but somehow.
i think.
as i get to know myself even more by day.
i truly believe.
it goes beyond that .
more than just to complete a sonnet of love.
even more than just describing the randomness of everything in this world that are created in halves that will soon collide and merge into one.
even more than that.

because.
truthfully.


i don't  simply buy all that.

--------------------------------------

i guess.
deep down.
theres always that stand that i hold strongly.
believing that.
in order for us to find the other half.
we should have been 'one' with ourselves.
firstly.

and along the journey.
of countless prayers.
and silent talks with Allah.

i presume somehow.after all that .
He is indeed giving me a pinch of my own theory.

and i thought.
it would be nice for me to share it here.

--
so.
a stranger was presented.

someone i have not known.
not aware of existence.
and was not incline to know even.
at first.

but.
somehow.
God has His ways of doing things.
and in the process of randomness.
i have put myself as the subject of my own hypothesess.

will i be able to know a stranger like how i know myself- Hypothesis 1.
how far true is it that in finding the other half. i am actually finding myself - Hypothesis 2.

months went by.
and as i try to proof my own theory.
gathering evidence.
making analysis.
i was subconsciously. without realising it. living my theory. in reality.

if we talk about getting to know a person.
how do we actually know one?
is it by his/her character?
stands in life?
opinions and knowledge?
background of life?
facts and figures?
thoughts and feelings?

the list goes on.
but the question remains.

how do one put oneself at a point of knowing another being?
how.

and.so.
i tried to relate it to my stand of what the other half should have meant.
of how to know someone.
and of how to know oneself.

and as i proceed with the journey.
one particular thing that i realised is that .

with the effort.
and the time and the chances.
spared into getting to know another being.

i realised.

i was actually.
getting to know myself.

from a different perspective.
from a different entity.

from a different 'me'.

of who.
i actually am.

and it dawned on me that.
probably.
'the other half' would have meant that - it is how you know yourself at that particular of actually knowing someone else.

and somehow.
the phrase 'the other half' is actually the idea of you finding yourself.
in the midst of finding someone else.

its not merely about 1 + 1 = 2.
or finding the other side of a frame that fits.
but its actually.

knowing who you are when you are around that person.
and how the other being brings up the good or the bad in you.

and through that .
i understood.
slowly.

that all this while.
in this life.
we spend hours and hours and at times years after years.
to convince ourself that we are at a point of really knowing another being.
but.
i guess.
that should not have been the real case.
it shouldn't be about finding the other half entirely.
but it should also be about finding yourself when you are of great confidence of finding the other.

simply because.
you are the half of yourself.
and the only way of actually knowing your other half is to know yourself when you are with that person.

what good nature does the person bring out of you.
what sort of contentment you feel when you are around him/her.
what kind of a person you are. at that moment.

and at the end of the day.
if everything leads to Allah.
in all its pureness.

you would probably by then.
truly understand.
that.
'the other half' is not merely another person.
but its you.
when you are with that person.

so.in a way.
in trying to find the half that is so called missing.
we ought to actually find the time to realise that.
its not about how the person fit you.
but how your soul fit yourself when you are with the person.


well.
as for me.
i may have or may have not.
have truly found it yet.
but if there comes a day
where i am blessed to have that sort of thing with another person
'the other half' as people may say it.

i would have by then an idea.
of what.
it really is.


the other half of me.
is simply.

me.

may Allah grant me better understanding.
and may He let me find 'me' in another 'me' .
(say ameen jura-juta kali.please)

insyaAllah. :)

trapped.

in between the wants of everyone.

except of mine.

a note to a soul of a stranger.

hush young soul.

too many to achieve as your goal.
pause. before life takes its toll.
one by one.
the world will still be proud of you.
i am the most.
even if you are just a cleaner with a lovely soul.

so hush young soul.

one by one mark your steps.
don't tripple over loaded burden.
because a fired soul will be useless.
without a patient heart to guide it through.

so hush young soul.

one by one.

i'll back you up.
still.

but.
one by one.

insyaAllah.

astonished faith of souls.

there is nothing of great beauty than to be able to share the same faith with another soul. . .

quite surreal yet very real.

how sweet it is to have faith as the link of one soul to another.

and it is truly an honour to have been given the opportunity to share it with others. 

i have not done much.

i know. 

but Allah in all His sweetness has spared me nothing but goodness.

lately. 

i get to really feel to connect to another person with just of common faith as the reason. 

though i was drown within the clash of culture, normalcy of my origin and diverse thoughts of the religion since i got back.

still. 

in drowning, life itself pulls me out of a deep sea of confusion.

and there. 

i was. 

speaking.interacting.connecting.

to others. 

in a way i have never truly been.

just of one common ground. 

we pray to the same Lord. 

lately.

i find myself more reserved yet open. 

more inquisitive yet relaxed.

i am at this moment.

at the verge of truly understanding the meaning of ukhuwah ( divine relationship for the sake of Allah) between souls that have long or recently submit itself to the only one Creator. like me. in a way.

yesterday , i spent an afternoon with a good friend .

and of long hours.

we speak nothing of besides the beauty of Islam. 

a year ago.

i remember.

another afternoon with her.

i struggled to project my new found peace.

hard to explain with words.such limited vocab to explain the divine power of faith.

not that mine was solid. but still. its beauty is merely unexplainable.

and the only thing i said to her was. 

'words can't do justice to it. i have nothing but prayers that you may feel it too one day'

and true enough.

a year after.

after a few minutes struggle to contain the feeling of contentment of finally finding God. 

she burst.

and words of Allah filled her mouth. 

and right then.

right then i knew. 

she has felt it too. 

hours.and hours. 

we talked.

almost about everything.

and everything was about Islam and its beauty. 

such delicate soul finding its way to a divine beauty.

and again.

if i was asked to describe it. 

not a single word in the dictionary could fit the feeling. 

and later today.

i had another chance to spend hours and hours.

with yet another friend. 

and this time around. 

its truly another connection made. 

only so few souls as such i came across from time to time. 

only a few who could understand my words. 

and i of them.

because most of the time. i fear to voice out my contained feelings of nothing but Islam.

fear to be judged as someone who is being extravagant in faith.

fail in splitting myself in between being a secularist or a fundamentalist. 

being modern. or orthodox.

because truthfully. 

Islam isn't both.

Islam is Islam as it is.

independent of definition.

or reason. 

and i find great joy of every year in a day.

i am blessed to have a date with these people. 

Alhamdullilah. 

and there i thought to myself. 

wouldn't it be nice to have someone to share thoughts and feelings with like i have with them.

everyday of every year. 

not just an annual thing. 

not to just talk about Islam.

but to actually live it together. 

and that became a reason why.

there is such thing as the other half. 

because.

in spite of great company i get to experience in a day of every year. 

i need the whole 365 days.

there is so much more about Islam.

that this soul wants to share it with. 

and to my two lovely friends. 

i pray hard.

we become neighbours in Jannah.

(please say ameen)

i don't mind sharing the lawn and the big tall mango tree with them.

not at all.

insyaAllah. 

and to whom ever that is reading this. 

please make dua for me.

that one day.

i have just the right ears and mouth.

just the right heart and thoughts. 

to accompany my 365 days. 

of loving nothing but being in love with Islam. 

corpses of Nile.

my heart could not have bled more this morning when i woke up.

wallahi.
i am already missing the brothers and sisters i have not known.

and again. most of them are leaving us.

and nothing is of sooth but the thought of knowing.

their souls are in good hands of Allah .

insyaAllah .

i wanted to plan more of the things i am supposed to do today.
but as i browse my list.
a sense of shame came rushing in filling the heart.


it was solely filled with such petty things of the world.

and looking at the news of  what is currently happening.

i feel limbless.
i feel trapped.

if they bleed for Allah.
i on the other hand. is gathering greed against Allah.

the greed of grasping world.
hoarding pebbles that are worthless over gems.

wallahi.
news like this.
of my far away kins.
could not have been worse.

every time this happens.
i begin to question.
upon a life that i am leading.

is it just for the sake of breathing?

o soul.
if they fear not death.
why do you fret much of leaving a body that will soon turn to corpse?

and that made me wonder.
with such faith we parade.
if tomorrow comes a day.
for us to shed our blood.
will we do the same?

Allahu. .  .  .

will i?

'Sesungguhnya krisis global yang dialami dunia yang menimpa umat manusia dengan begitu dahsyatnya, penyebabnya tidak lain adalah kekikiran. Kekikiran diri bukan hanya sikap kikir untuk mengeluarkan harta saja, namun juga termasuk perasaan ego dan hanya berbuat sesuatu untuk kepentingan dirinya semata. Sehingga hilanglah rasa cinta dan kasih sayang antara sesama manusia, dan mereka berada dalam konflik yang tiada hentinya.' -Al-Banna-