some people are just. people.

i began writing this entry today.

with an intention.

an intention full of fury.

a statement that should have been made to portray a certain dissatisfaction.

but.

as i was about to write it.

i realised. 

if i were to really put it in words.

it would only be a waste.

of every ounce of my energy.

of every ounce of my thoughts and feelings.

so i took a moment of silence.

to realise that.

hey dearself.

why bother being upset over something that is so vile and empty.

so minute.and so meaningless.

and so.

i opened the Quran.

as advised by my husband.

and Allah.being the forever Wise.

gave an advice.

worth learning.

'And whoever avenges himself after having been wronged - those have not upon them any cause [for blame]. The cause is only against the ones who wrong the people and tyrannize upon the earth without right. Those will have a painful punishment.And whoever is patient and forgives - indeed, that is of the matters [requiring] determination.' -Asy-Syura 41-43

and there it was.

a direct advice.

an advice that only fools would turn away.

and so i thought to myself.

why bother?

forgive instead.

some people are just worth the bliss of not being noted.

some people.are just.

people.

and so.

the fury.the anger.

turned into mere pity.

and disappointment.

pity.

of those who uses words just as mere words.

without truly understanding it.

of even greater pity.of being shadowed by ignorance.

of a dishonest paraphrasing.

and of false pretence.

simply.

disappointed.

that my words are being used for nothing but  quotations in  captions that do not give any meanings to it.

of simply alphabets lined together to accompany deceitful images.of merely pretentious thoughts and feelings.

simply.

a childish game.

of a meaning lost in translation. 

of my failure to convey my writings.

as it should be conveyed and understood.

and so.

i forgive.

because.

i have better things to care about.

of world hunger.

of war crimes.

of a higher meaning in life.

and so.

to a last thought that would not last long enough.

i forgive.

because i am too happy.

to care.

if you feel the prick of the needle in your heart.then its probably about you.

so i asked my husband.
what shall i write?

and his reply was.

'dear.psycho.please stay away'

far from being poetic.
just simple.
short.
and precise.
i have to admit.

but.

i am far from being simple.short.and precise.

i am more of a winding road that gets you to your destination.
after countless of hours and immense frustration.

simply.
winding.


after seeking the wisdom from the wise husband.
i have decided to simply do it my way.
instead.

after all.what better being than to be myself.
and write like myself.


so.here it is.
my winding way of saying things.
and i hope its poetic enough to not be perceived as hatred.


dear you.

my words are never mine.
the alphabets that line itself to form words.and then followed by sentences.

those.
are never mine.

but.
the thoughts.
the feelings.
that became the reasons behind the words.
those.
are.

mine.

no amount of praise.
nor condemn.

would be of interest.
for i write.
for my thoughts.
and my feelings.

i write for me.

as a reminder for my later days.
of whom i have become.
and of whom i was.

therefore.
dear you.
this is for you.
to take heed.
just some few humble tips.


it is very ignoble of one.
to copy bit by bit.

of my feelings and thoughts.
to suit thy.

and make it yours.

like i said.

i do not own my words.
so.
neither do you.

i humbly inform that it is alright to read and to feel.
after all ,all our souls are created to connect.
what i write.
might be felt.
by him.her.or them.

but to repeat.
each of my thoughts and feelings.
down to the very end.

and make it yours.

that is simply.
very.

inelegent.

of you.

so share as you may.
i don't mind.
but don't do it so blatantly.
till you forget.
that those thoughts and feelings.
are never yours.

to parade so freely.

it is indeed far from classy.

very far indeed.



p/s : i get notifications every time my writings are being used without me knowing.the wonders of technology.it informs.without you seeking.just so you know.

the stranger i married.

the other night.

i couldn't sleep well.

my mind became this wondrous land that i wish i would have not visited.

something was bothering me.
but what bothered me more was that i was clueless of what it is.

a maze of grieve.

unanswered by a question that was never asked.


and as i was sighing in the silent night.

i looked to my right.

and there he was.

silently asleep.

so beautiful.
that i forgot  all about my meaningless grieve.

for a second.
life was all good again.

and it dawned on me.

it has been more than half a year now.
of loving this beautiful creature that laid rest beside me.

months  have flown by.

until loneliness is no longer a feared disease.
but rather a pseudo idea.

and yet.
i failed to sleep with ease.

that night.

i don't know what is more frightening.
to leave.or to be left.

but a month from now.

distance will be a painful barrier.
and not being able to see you when i turn to my right every night.

would bring somber to the heart.

but.

it took me a while.
before realising it.

that marriage is not just about having your partner near.

but to still love each other.
even when distance becomes the great barrier.


and what a complex puzzle it was that night became a simple notion.

that.
what i was feeling.

was a feeling of simply missing you.


even.
before we part.

so here's to you my dear
to the one i adore.
to the stranger i married.
may distance be yet another reason.
to miss you even more.

happy-almost-annivesary.
love.

we share the same clay.

so much hate.

so much terror.

just.
horror.

nothing but sadness that overwhelms a brief breath of happiness.
gone within the spirit of joy.

as death toll rises.
and as hearts become harder.

death.
is nothing but a child's play.

its essence is lost.
between mountains of lies.

simply because.
we are humans.

and we think.
we are great.

so as for today.
this entry.
today.

will be about love.
and nothing.
but love.

a moment to share.
of a great reminder.
that hey humans.
we could love too.
even to a stranger.
because despise it as you may.
to the idea that we are.
we are all made up of clay.
and that very clay.
we share.

soul mates.

I don't know how you are so familiar to me-or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering  who you are.How every smile ,every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before-in another time,a different place-some other existence.

-Lang Leav

a stranger.