backpacking.

i'll be away for a while.
nothing will be written after this post.
not because i dismiss this job to my God.
but because i know He has better plans for me.

my words are His.
and for now its not meant to be written here.
may we all find peace in this world we call life.

salam.

alahai.

mahu jerit terlolong.
biar orang tahu meminta tolong.
biar sekalian tahu.
berat apa atas bahu.
hari ini.dongak tinggi.
sibuk mencari Ilahi.
tika semua jauh dari hati.
baru tersedar semacam gini.

alahai.diri.
bila hilang.baru sibuk mencari Tuhan.
bila senang.baru lupa adanya Tuhan.

alahai.malu.
pada Kau Rabb.
bicara semacam munafik.
hari ini begini.
esok hari lain yang bunyi.
untung untung Kau buat nya taubat.
dalam sakit sakit masih ada yang terubat.

alahai.malu.
ulang ulang maaf yang sama.
sesal semantara.
esok kembali yang sama.
sampai ada yang terlupa.

alahai.dunia.
kenapa perlu cantik belaka?
punca segala alpa.
nak dibanding syurga.
jauh kaki dari kepala.
tapi kenapa bukan syurga yang diminta?

alahai.manusia.
pusing pusing kemana mana.
tak kan terjumpa.
tanah yang tak berpunya.
kenapa perlu ulang dosa yang sama?
jika tahu tanah kaki terpijak rata.
sudah tentu bukan kita yang punya.

alahai Tuhan.
sungguh Kau Ihsan.
penuh belas kasihan.
makhluk sebegini rupa.masih Kau kahsiankan.
sungguh kalau nanti aku jauh dan tak pulang.
harap nanti Kau titip kan ajaran.
biar sedar diri aku ini hanya daging yang bertulang.

--------------------------------------

kadang kadang kita rindu semacam.
tapi tak tahu kenapa.
haaaa..itu rindu Tuhan namanya.

alahai Tuhan.
Rindu lah.

jangan ambil barang aku.pinjam sahaja.

hey kau si peminjam.
yer kau.
kau yang meminjam waktu.
nafas.harta.hidup.
beradab lah seperti peminjam.

nanti suatu masa.
pulangkan.
segala apa yang diberi dulu.
yang dulu bersih dan baru.
ingat nanti dipulangkan.
juga harus begitu.

jadi apa kau buat hey peminjam.
kenapa kau kotorkan apa yang dipinjam.
sudah kau lupa adab meminjam?
atau mungkin.
memang kau bongkak.
lupa siapa di atas ketika mendongak.
ingat.
besar beza antara pinjaman dan milik.
sungghu berhentilah menyangka semua itu mutlak.semua itu hak.
sebab mata yang melihat.
suara yang keluar.
telinga yang mendengar.
tangan yang mengangkat.
kaki yang melangkah.
akal yang memikir.
dan hati yang merasa.
itu pinjaman.

jadi hey peminjam.
jaga kan kau.
apa yang bukan milik kau.
kerana nanti.
Rabb kau akan menuntut.
ketika kau berlutut.
sungguh.tak akan
kau berani untuk katakan.
Ya Rabb.itu.ini aku yang punya.
sedangkan.
nyawa itu juga.
bukan kau yang punya.

jadi berhenti bongkak.
jagalah apa yang dipinjam.
yang dipinjam akan diminta pulang.
biarlah senyum senang.
nanti bila ditanya.
di depan simpang syurga dan neraka.
apa telah kau jaga itu semua?
maka termampu untuk menjawap ya.

-----------------------------------
ini entri.untuk diri sendri.
yang selalu selalu bongkak.
dan kadang kadang kedekut.harta.masa.dan nyawa.

bilang apa itu rajin?

itu hari ada orang bilang.
Neb rajin itu apa.
aku gelak besar dalam hati.
ironik.sedangkan aku yang disebalik.
bilang aku sendiri.
rajin itu subjektif.
apa yang kita lihat rajin.
orang lain mungkin tidak.
jadi aku jawap kan balik.
asal kita tahu masa ini bukan milik.
dihitung setiap detik.
maka.
duduk duduk sahaja.
tidak mungkin menyenangkan.
tingkah laku yang tak bermakna.
mungkin sahaja tak menggembirakan.
saat kita rasa begitu.
saat itulah kita tahu.
itulah rajin.
kawan.

milik kau.aku.dan kalian.

post ringkas.

percayalah dakwah itu bukan milik yang bertudung labuh.
bukan milik yang berserban bersih.
dan bukan milik yang berakal lebih.

ia.

milik semua.
tanggungjawab semua.

sediakan apa yang boleh dibicara.
bila nanti Tuhan tanya.
apa jasa mu pada dunia.
dan sungguh.
indah nanti.
jika dijawab.
sungguh.dakwah ku.Allah.... :)

ini dan itu.milik Aku.

hari ini aku rasa macam nak berbahasa melayu.
sebab aku melayu.
biar lah berterabur bahasa.
macam biji tasbih terputus.
aku tak peduli.
sebab aku tulis bukan untuk meraih minat.
tapi untuk cerita apa sebenar ada di hati.

hari ini.bangun dengan hati remuk,kecai,gelisah,susah,sempit.
dan itu semua berlaku tanpa sebab.
memang benar lah kata Tuhan.
milik aku semua yang ada.
termasuk hati yang ada dalam dada.
jadi hari ini Tuhan bukti kan.
Dia sempit kan dunia buat sementara.
saat mata mahu mula mengenal dunia.
sebagai bukti.
Aku lah Pemilik hati.
jika sempit mahu Ku maka sempit lah ia.
jika lapang maka lapang lah ia.
kun fa ya kun kataNya.
tapi tidak apa.aku anggap saja
ini peringatan pada seorang hamba.
saat kau mahu mulakan hidup.
sebelum sempat menghirup.
udara keliling
berdarjah sifar.
maka Aku ingat kan.dunia ini milik Aku.
dan sedarlah.
tidak perlu gempitan bom.
tidak perlu tangisan bayi.
tidak perlu kelaparan.
tidak perlu kemiskinan.
tidak perlu kesakitan.
jika Dia mahu itu semua.
akan diberi walaupun dalam keselamatan.
dalam keselesaan selimut yang hangat.
dalam keadaan yang senang lenang.
dalam kemewahan.
dalam kegembiraan.
sebab Dia itu Tuhan.
dan Dia punya kuasa.
jadi aku bangun juga.
walaupun berat rasa.
sebab aku tahu.
aku seorng hamba.
dan itu bukan pilihan aku.
jadi untuk Rabb yang jauh di atas sana.
yang selalu mendengar.
dalam apa bicara.
walau jauh senyap di dalam dada.
terima kasih untuk peringatan pagi ini.
moga Kau mudahkan yang selebihnya.
biar aku tertonggeng jatuh di dunia.
sekarang.
tapi bukan dalam hidup selepas dunia.
nanti karang.

insyaAllah.....

of kneeling and putting my hands up.

this post was supposed to be a post of many days before.
but again.i am not dhar (time).and i rule it not.
therefore.after waking up from a slumber of yet another cold morning.
i shall grab this chance before the world overwhelms me.again.
so.what i am about to write is something that has been lingering far too long in my head.
and to contain it just within the hemisphere of my brain.is something that i intend not to.
therefore.here goes.another ranting of mine.that i pray would somehow become beneficial to myself.and to the one reading.
insyaAllah.

DU'A. (supplication)

a single verb.that holds many secrets and reasons behind it.
for the past few days now.i have been struggling to understand the meaning of du'a.
after a while now.will i only realise that du'a is something so familiar yet so foreign to me.
something i have grown closer to whenever hardship and grieve make a visit.
and when a need is wanted.
yet.something that i fail to understand.

since child.
i have been taught.
by almost everyone i know.
mostly by dear mom and dad.
to make du'a whenever i feel sad.
and when ever i want something in life so bad.
be it as simple as a sunny day.
or as crucial as good results in the exams.
for all that.
i was told.to make du'a.

and i did.
i make du'as
everytime i need something.
everytime i want something.
everytime i am in grieve.
even when i just want to smile.
but sadly.
those actions i did .
of kneeling and putting my hands up.
deep down inside.
i did not understand.
and at one point.i question.
why...why..and why do i even try?

why do we make du'as?
to whom we make it to?
for it to be granted to what extend of amount of du'as do we have to take?
is there any limit to du'as we make?
and how do we know whether its true or fake?

those questions i have.was kept deep down inside a dark vault.
the fear of not being able to ask around.
made me a human full of doubts.
until one day.a day full of wants and needs.i finally decided to open it up.
to try to answer the questions.
and to finally understand.

that day began,last 3 days ago.
the day that was full of wants and needs.
the day that i realised.the many things.
that i still want to have.and to own.
and so i kneeled and i put my hands up.
i began my du'a,i tried hard.
but a day went by.and another did.
and the du'a i made.
was not answered.
and i became disappointed.

because of that day.
finally.it clicked to my mind.
what makes a du'a a real du'a?

that became the question of all the questions i had.
and to understand everything.i must first understand this.
and i searched.and i asked.and i even googled.
but still i was very far from understanding it.
and i thought.hey.maybe i should make a du'a.
a du'a to understand the meaning of du'a itself.
and i did.
and during that du'a i made.
was the moment of me.
understanding.all the du'as in life i made before.

and i realised.at that instant.
all the former du'as i made were shallow.
why is that so?
its because.
it was not deep enough.
it was not sincere enough.
it was not true enough.

because when every time i make one.
i was
only partially convinced by it.
only partially putting my reliance on it.
only partially sincere about it.

and the reason for all that.
is because.i put so little faith in God's power.
i gave Him such little credit in actually making my du'as more than just du'as.
and to think that,the du'a of this sinful self will not be heard when the fact is...He is.the Hearer of all.

maybe that is why my du'a was not answered.because.
when i made it.
i was not putting the full trust
that God has all the power in Him to make it happen.

and that became a realisation.
that.when ever i make du'a.i am not just asking for my wants and needs.
i am actually submitting to the idea of
putting everything in His hands.
giving everything to His hands.
and hoping.that He will receive it with open hands.
i am actually.submitting.

and from there too i realised.
its not the issue of wether my du'a is accepted or not.
its actually the idea of acknowledging that God has all the power in Him to do anything.
even the things that are beyond our understandings.
if we just put our hands up.and make the du'a
with so much faith.hope.and reliance.
even the most impossible du'a to us.will not seem impossible.
because if it is His will.it is.
'kun fa ya kun' (Be.and it is!)

so.now only i comprehend.
the phrase.'du'a is a weapon for the human race'
because.it is.
and if it is a weapon.use it as a weapon.
and not as a minor tool we use when there's nothing else we can do.
because du'a is not the last resort.
it is the first effort.

and if it is not being answered the way you want it.
take the sweetness of submission from the action of du'a that you made.
because every action we do that involves God in it.
is sweet.


so.from that day onward.because of that realisation.
i began to appreciate du'a .
more than just verses i read after my prayers.
but instead a conversation with God and i.
telling Him.i am making my du'a because there is only You who listens to everything.
and there is only You who has the say on everything.


and so.my days of endless conversation with God.began.
to end this.i pray.with full of hope.trust.faith.and reliance.
'ya Allah jangan putus kan aku dari terus berdoa'
amin.

And your Lord says :' Call on Me; I will answer your (prayer)...
(Mu'min/Ghafir 40:60)