For every 'I' .

so my days have been short so far.where at times i do find it rather unfulfilled.like a journey that will end soon.and i am a traveler with a heavy backpack on the back.with an empty tummy to carry along.
yes.
that is what i am for the time being.
a heavy and a hungry traveler.

so.a question for an early morning in a cold,gloomy country that i woke up to.greeted me.and it goes something like this....
why we do the things we do in life?

and.i wondered.why?

why do i do the things i do in life?
yes.why?

for a moment.my mind went away.and my heart hides itself.
and by few minutes.i truly can not find an answer for that.
God.have i not known all these whilst.the reason behind every action of what i made this life of?
and.........
finally.
a very weak and selfish answer appeared.
and it starts with the word. I.

yes.i do the things in life.
to serve 'I'.
yes.i do the things in life.
to comfort 'I'.
yes.i do the things in life.
for 'I'.
and yes.i do the things in life.
with 'I' as the sole purpose.

and from there.i came to know.
i am indeed.a really selfish creation of Him
how shameful can this get.i told myself.and yes.it gets even more shameful as i endeavour further in this question that i created myself.

to finally answer it i became sick to the stomach.and by then,i understood what it means by being disgusted.
this is what it is.
disgusted by the fact that i thought i must put 'I' in every answer to every question there is about life.my life.
without knowing.life itself is not even mine to hold.
and that brings me back to the first part of the question.
WHY?

why do i do the things i do in life?
and after a while.
my mind came back.and my heart appeared itself behind the cover.
and they answered..

for every question there is in the world.only one name that could fill every hole in all the answers.
and if i change that 'I' to that name.
my life shall become a pool of happiness.
and everything shall make sense.
with just a name?
and i look further.and that name is written everywhere.
even to the closest thing i own.my jugular vein.
and there is only one and only one name.
and its ALLAH.

so.yes.at the end of answering.
I AM still a traveler with a heavy backpack on the back.with an empty tummy to carry along.
my heavy backpack are the sins i carry for every 'I' that i put in every answer i gave.
and my empty tummy.is a place where i should have filled it with one name for every question that came across life.
because......
why do we do the things we do in life?
simple.we do it for.....
Allah.

finally.
a question became a hope.
a hope that one day.
i shall be that traveler.
with such a light backpack on the back.
and for every step i take.i'll take it with a smile on the face....
because by then..
my tummy will already be full. :)

to all.lets start packing lightly.
and start our journey with a really good filling meal.
because.if we are travelers.lets be the best traveler of all.
and if you question why we do things we do in life.
just answer..
oh! we do it for Allah!
because in reality.and in fantasy.
that is a true answer of a true traveler.
Happy Friday to all. indeed.

far but near.

the sky and the earth,are far apart.
but one could never exist without the other.
indeed they are far but near.

away.i have been.
fast days visited me.
and soon i'll be free.

again now in the other side of the world.
breathing a different air.
and bathing with different water.
but i know.
no matter how far i go.
i am always near.
simply because....

there is not an inch of space on the earth.
that does not belong to my God.
so i'll be near.even when i am far.

and to begin a beginning.
protect me O Allah.
for You have protected me well from that human devil i used to know.

to all.i'll write again.soon.

bigger than bigger.

humans.
never seem to be far from mistakes.
yet humans.
never to be far from His mercy.
because.there is no bigger mistake bigger than His mercy.
so except your imperfection humans!
for you have a perfect Creator.to always forgive.
and that.......
is what we call.

the bless of having Allah as God.


so Wednesday started quite early.
and the moment these eyes open.
mistakes became my loyal companion.again.
and for yesterday and the days of days before.i have wronged so many.
but the one i wronged most.is myself.
so to start a Wednesday
i start it off with a reminder in mind.
that today i might make mistakes again.
and it might be even worse than the mistakes i have done before.
because i am a human.
and the need to conform to my worldly lust is just in my vein.
but this one thing i will keep in mind.
even what ever happens today.yesterday or tomorrow Neb.how big a mistake that have been done.still in doing.or will be done.
please.please.and please.return back to your Lord.
He'll be there.so take your u-turn Neb
because for every mistake.there is forgiveness in repentance.
and for every human.there is One God to search for.
and if you ever lose your way.look out for Him.
His name is Allah.

to all.may it be a beautiful Wednesday with mistakes and a lot of U-turns.
happy Wednesday to all. :)

Jiwa Terasa Kosong?

"... Dan Allah mencintai orang-orang yang berbuat kebaikan." - (Surah Ali-Imran : 148)

Duhai insan,
Jiwamu terasa kosong?
Perlu peneman,
Kekasih hati yang prihatin,
Pengisi jiwa ragamu itu.
Tapi tahukah kamu,
Cinta yang kamu dambakan itu menyakitkan.
Sering pula ia mengecewakan,
Selagi dia belum halal untukmu,
Selagi itu ia menyeksakan jiwamu.
Kamu dan dia belum ada ikatan,
Itu hakikat!
Meletakkan harapan...
Hanya bakal mengundang kekecewaan demi kekecewaan,
Kerana semuanya, masih tiada kepastian.

Hatimu kosong?
Isikanlah hatimu itu,
Jangan biar kekosongan menyelubung dirimu,
Berimanlah.
Yakinilah.
Bahawa Dia itu sentiasa dekat,
Amat-amat dekat,
Amat amat amat dekat.

Dia tahu kamu sedang berduka,
Dia Maha Tahu betapa berat ujian yang menimpa,
Dia mendengar segala rintih jiwamu itu,
Dirimu itu milik-Nya,
Dan pada-Nya jua ada pengubat jiwamu yang lara.

Isi hatimu...
Dengan cinta-Nya,
Syukurmu atas nikmat-nikmat yang kamu peroleh tidak terhitung jumlahnya.
Pengharapan yang kamu gantung hanya pada-Nya.
Sungguh,
Ia dapat menenangkan jiwa,
Setenang-tenangnya.

Bertawakkallah kepada-Nya
Yakinlah,
Dia punyai aturan untukmu,
Dan pastinya ia yang terbaik!
Sedang manusia itu hanya mampu bersangka-sangka...

Duhai insan,
Isi hati kecilmu itu...
Kerana sesungguhnya Dia sentiasa ada...!


Jiwa Terasa Kosong?

patience is virtue?or patience is happiness?

many days of Syawal have we lived.
many type of victories may we have achieved.i hope.
because indeed it is a month of victory.isn't it not?

so for today a simple topic for a relaxing Monday shall i serve.

patience.

yes.patience.
a simple word to utter.a simple idea to grasp.and a simple lesson to teach.
but...a very hard thing to execute.

because.patience is not something that one is fond of..when
anger comes to visit.
pain comes to haunt
and misery becomes closer than a close friend.

have we ever realized
we often say,
patience is virtue.
and in Islam..patience is iman itself.

but.why is it so hard at times.to really let patience become apart of us and we apart of it?
are we trying to tell ourselves that..
we don't aim for virtuousness?
and that we don't care of what become to our iman?

surely for anyone with a right mind would answer no.
yet....why do we let ourselves become the slave of impatience?

for me.
patience is a thing that becomes so familiar yet rare.
so familiar to hear and sometimes do.but so rarely would myself feel the sweetness of patience itself.
thus,this makes me wonder.have i ever truly experience patience all this whilst?or was it another false definition of what patience is.

and from there.i embarked to yet another self exploration.
crawling deep into a hole where everything begins.the heart.
so for today and yesterday.i asked myself.

"Neb,do you understand what patience is to begin with?"

and silently a shameful answer whispered back.
NO.

we have been taught for years.since we were small.
to be patient.to be tolerant.to be a person.
but what does it actually mean to execute patience and tolerance so that we would one day be labeled as a person?
and followed after that.how does the reaction from the action of patience really feel?

so today i decided to share.and i hope.there lies patience in all of you who is reading.so that you'll reach the last word of this post.
after all...its all about being patient in reaching the end eh?

so.to begin with.
we all know,patience is always commonly linked to
anger,pain and misery.
because to execute patience when you are in the midst of joy seemed to be rather unorthodox to the whole idea of what patience is.
but i would say.happiness and joy is closer to patience rather than anger,pain and misery.
why so?
the answer for that lies in the true understanding of what patience really means.

lets take an example of an everyday life.
everyday.we are constantly exposed to the opportunity of being angry.of experiencing pain.and of dealing with misery.
so to not perish and lose the essence of the human spirit in us.we deal all of that with one strong weapon that God has given to the humans and for the humans to make full use.and that weapon is one and only..patience itself.
and for this,we humans are left with choices.whether to apply that weapon in our everyday battle with life or to simply chuck it away and waste that wonderful gift God has given.

so to me.the whole lesson begins with a yesterday.
for yesterday and today.i was faced with a test and for that test i have prepared myself with God's weapon.patience itself.
but along the way in using the weapon of patience,there was a slight thought.and a pinch of feeling.that came with it.which i do not know.and for a millisecond.i questioned myself.i am being patient aren't i?

and that is where it all came about.
and from that one question i came to realise that i was hiding behind the idea of patience.when i was not.
because as i try to understand it more.
i try to reason with what i have known.
and what i know is that.my God creates beauty.in everything.
and He promised for every good deed there lies mountful of benefits.

"...any who believe in God and the Last Day,and work righteousness ,shall have their reward with their Lord;on them shall be no fear nor shall they grieve" Quran 2:62

and it struck me.i was not being patient.because through out in thinking i was,i was also at the same time in fear and grieve.
shamefully i thought i have experienced patience.
when i tolerate with my siblings.
when i give in to an argument with my friends.
when i willingly waited for hours for a delayed flight.
and simply when i pardon anyone who simply cut the que.
all those times.

but now only i realise.in all those things i did.if not much,there was still a slight of grieve.anger.annoyance.and fear.in all the actions of patience i did.

that gave me some sense that i was not being patient.i was just at that moment handling things with caution.
and through all that.i came to understand why happiness and joyfulness are closer to patience rather than anger,pain and misery.
because,when you truly become patient.you are actually at the same time happy.and that is truly what 'to be patient with an open heart' really means.
you open your heart so big for patience to take place until what you feel is only happiness.
to be happy in patience itself.
MasyaAllah...what a strong weapon indeed it is God gave us.and it is a shame for us.if we do not know how to use it.

so from today.because of yesterday.i tell myself. not just to be patient.but to be patient happily.because only then will you know the true ultimate sweetness of patience itself.

and this is why...........i must be patient.because i want to be happy.
simply because.happiness is patience itself........ :)

lastly.thank you for being patient in reaching the last word.may you gain something out of it.insyaAllah.

losing in winning.

the days are coming to an end.
and soon i'll be up in the sky.
and that foreign land will again become home.
and i shall again once more.miss this place i call.my real home.

so basically Eid was quiet and moody for me.
hormones kicked in at such a wrong timing.
but hormone or not,i should have been able to fight it.
and what a shame.i lost to my own mood.what a shame.
so.i shall say. even though Eid Fitri is celebrated for victory,
my victory lies in Ramadhan..and my lost.is to my own mood. :(

Langit Biru (OTS) - Asmidar (Live @ Starmount Studio KL Full HD)

a catchy song for a lovely morning.

kau dan aku.jom ke langit biru :)