against the Goliath for Allah.

i have been wanting to write this for quite sometime.
but i just haven't had the mood for it.
or probably.
i was just in the phase of playing with words without actually bearing any substance.

so i guess.
its a good time now to stop playing.
and write something that is actually worth the read.
if not for others. well at least. for myself.

so i once told a story of how i fear the idea of living without contributing.
how it would seem rather worthless to be able to breathe for myself but not able to move a limb for others.

it took me quite sometime to be able to grasp that idea and to understand the fear behind it.
and soon after.came another matter.
another matter that should be of greater fear from the latter.

the fear of having done everything.
but.
not knowing.
that you are doing it.
not for the sake of Allah.

so yesterday while i was flipping through God's love letters.
i came across two very familiar verses in Baqarah.

verse 249 and 250.

a story of the Talut's (Saul's) soldiers against the Jalut (Goliath) and the river in between.

And when Saul went forth with the soldiers, he said, "Indeed, Allah will be testing you with a river. So whoever drinks from it is not of me, and whoever does not taste it is indeed of me, excepting one who takes [from it] in the hollow of his hand." But they drank from it, except a [very] few of them. Then when he had crossed it along with those who believed with him, they said, "There is no power for us today against Goliath and his soldiers." But those who were certain that they would meet Allah said, "How many a small company has overcome a large company by permission of Allah . And Allah is with the patient."


And when they went forth to [face] Goliath and his soldiers, they said, "Our Lord, pour upon us patience and plant firmly our feet and give us victory over the disbelieving people."

two very strong verses.

after reading it i took time to remember one of the very first tadabburs that i had in regards of these verses. 

Allah. is. screening His servants.

and choosing only the best to represent His deen. 

and this story is one of the examples of many.

the told history of the previous people that have gone through the screening process. 

an entire army being screened just through a river.

and the soldiers that managed to resist the temptation to quench their thirst in the horrid milieu of a battle field. 

are the ones that are worth the pride of Allah to represent His glorified deen.

oh how it stroke me.

that Allah only wants the reddest of the red apples.

and the most crisp of the bunch.

to make people understand that.

His deen.

if it is practiced fully and rightfully will only produce the best of fruits. 

so.

if we really think about it.

He owns entirely everything.

what is on the earth and what is beyond the sky. 

in just a flick of a move. and even lesser.

the entire universe will submit and He will be the only winner.

if He commands it too. 

but knowing the fact that He is ever so Wise. 

Al-Hakim. 

and ever so Just. 

Al-'Ald

He did not do just that.

instead.

He screens. 

meticulously with great patience.

monitoring and waiting.

for His servants to submit themselves.

after countless of screening tests.

picking just the right kind of fruit to serve to the guest.

only those that are worth the bite.

and that made me thought.

of all the things that i have done by far.

in claim of serving Him and nothing else.

was i truly.definitely.

doing it JUST for Him? 

or have i been in the screening process and have been denied the pass because of an impure intention. 

and that. should be a greater fear than a fear of not doing anything.

imagine.

all those hard work.

the effort to get up each day.

and to just live life.

and claiming it is for Allah's sake.

wouldn't it be a waste of everything.

if i had not taken the time to actually realise .

that. NO. these efforts might not be entirely pure. 

my Lord is screening every second of every moment.

wouldn't it be a great loss indeed  to have just a little dot of impurity in the deeds done. 

that would eventually be the cause of not being able to be amongst those ripen apples,willingly picked by the Lord in pride. 

oh.

what a waste it is then. 

how now i fear more.

that some how in every deed that i do.

even as small as a half uttered dzkir.

or simply while i am writing this.

that i am actually not in the pursue of wanting Allah to screen me at my best. 

but actually in the pursue of adoration from His mere creations.

and that would be the biggest loss a person could experience.

indeed vain pursuits wear out the soul. 

and what if.

just what if.

my soul is actually wearing. slowly.

ah. such thought is just simply terrifying.

knowing that if i don't correct my intention every second.

i might just be amongst those soldiers that are left behind.

on the other side of the river.

a rotten apple that my Lord would not even glance at. 

let alone pick. 

and so.my advice to myself the most.

and to whomever that is willing to take heed from the verses. 

just bear in mind.

at all times.

that Allah is screening us.

choosing the best that is within us.

don't let a single false intention.

becomes the reason of our dismissal. 

refresh it.every second.if needed.

and don't let the deeds we do.

just merely to please others. 

because like Ibn Ata'allah said.

'If you desire immortal glory,seek glory in the Immortal' 

may Allah screen us in mercy.

and may He keep us aware that we breathe for Him and not for those He created. 

choose us o Allah.

choose us to represent your deen at its best.

Allahualam.