pretentious

day 46.

and i woke up with a dream from last night.

Liverpool was bright and warm yesterday.how i wish it was Malaysia.

load of work is still under control.but i am beginning to slave myself to it.

a yesterday that was filled with an afternoon nap that ended up being an evening sleep.

first lecture of yesterday was not easy.not a word was installed in the brain.my mind was diverted somewhere else.which i don't even know what and where.so i do what i do best.i pretended.like i have the whole knowledge of the world at my palm.how i wish.

that.was indeed the longest aimless lecture i have been to.nonetheless i tried.

models are almost done.a few more to go and i'll be off doing something else.indeed this is going to be a really long month.but i guess i need it to be.so that your name in my brain cells will be occupied with useful knowledge that i will somehow use it at one point of my life.and by then i will not have to pretend that i am ok.for at this moment i am not.

so it is ok long month.i welcome you.

so to yesterday.i learnt.we are such pretentious creatures.how many of us really do show our feelings and our thoughts each day we live? and how many of us bold enough to even not pretend?

if none is the answer then i won't be surprised.
we suppress our feelings and thoughts for the good and the bad.and at one point.that pretentious life that we're living will soon be so real that we can't even justify which is which.

at this point..i am really thankful for i have a God that knows everything.so that even when i'm pretending.He knows.and if i turn back to Him,He will justify which is which and i won't be lost anymore.

so to yesterday that was filled with masquarade moments,may today be different.for i always have a God to guide me.

to Wednesday,let me take my mask now.for i am sick of pretending :)