another 100 days.

day 1.

of knowing myself.

again.

of yet a hundred days.
ahead.
truly just.
reversing back to a once known journey.

it has been almost 2 months now.

since i embarked on a life of work.
a life of yet another responsibility.

and one thing i realised.

the intention made.
to work for only His sake.

could flip in just a second.
the moment when i let myself admit.
that there is another entity for me to impress.

not merely for the sake of obligation.
but deep down.
if i am truly an honest person.

i would know.
that i have not been honest.

i work for me.
and me.

and from a day to another.
i disguise the ill intention and sugar coat it with reasons.

and now i tire myself.
reasoning in between reasons.
simply to sooth a heart that is darken.

so today.
after months of being back home.
i just feel like being away.

away from all the responsibilities that are pulling me away.
from the only responsibility that matters.

of being a true servant to the most Merciful God.

and today.
if no one is pulling me out.
i am pushing myself in.

i miss that soul that misses her Lord.
i miss that soul that is not easily bought.
by a price.
the world has to offer.

by soothing words of merely a stranger.

i am.
for day 1.

pushing it all away. 
for the better.
insyaAllah.