in the midst of ending a project.the first of the year.
i was caught in the middle of stress and giving up.
nothing seems to be easy anymore.and it gets true everyday.reality slowly slipping into the fantasy world that is almost fading.
and for a moment.i came to realise.that the longer we are on this earth.the harder it gets.
simply because.we are not stagnant creations of God.we change.we evolve.we grow.
so.this post.today.is for all the unnecessary stresses that have befallen me.
so that it shall become a reminder one day.that.....
'Neb..life gets harder each day.but it gets easier for you to realise it when the harder it gets'
and so..the entry begins......
'i was not asleep.not just yet.and my hands are still moving.reaching out for the things that needed to be finished.my body is working.but my mind was at a cross line between dead or alive.and i looked up at the phone screen.not surprised with the hour it showed.i figured.this is what life should be.you work hard.and somehow some way.there lies reward.material wise i presumed with that intention.i worked hard that night.hoping that at one point.it would be enough.and i would finally have something to show the next day.
a couple of yawns and eye bags shall not stop me.i-must-persevere.to myself i told.and hours passed by.the bed seemed nearer to me than it was hours ago.and my body would like to shut itself down for that moment.but i control the switch.and only i have the power.so i thought.ignorantly.
the constraint stressful milieu continues.the days after the next day went by.and i begin to find myself caught in between the net of stressfulness.i panicked and at times unsatisfied.with what the world has to offer.i began to work even harder,thinking that.the best of me is not the best of all.and what is the best of all will only be determined by those outside there.those other creations of God.like me.with blood in their veins and a heart under their ribs.
and so.their thoughts.their judgements.their opinions.and their decisions.became.the center of a small radius circle i call.my life.
and before i know it.in a very subtle way.the aim of life itself has changed its course.and there i was walking on a different road.again.changing my aim of life to such petty thing.a thing we call.WORLD.
and people's appreciation.judgement.attention.decision.opinion.became.the main focus.all over again.
and for each and every thing i do,the world and the things inside it mark its path right after mine.and for every line that is not align with the radius of my circle shall bring disappointment to me.and from there.all stress related things were finally born.
and there i was.becoming the central station for all the trains with bad feelings to make its pit stop.
.........................
and this happens to not just me.at least not just me.because somewhere out there.near or far.there are people who are willingly trapping themselves into the net of stressfulness too.simply because they conform to the idea of pleasing God's creations first.and then only God Himself.
because at times in life.we want to be liked.loved.accepted.admired.addored.praised.appreciated.
to a point.when we don't get it.we strive ourselves too much to realise that at the end of the day.nothing could beat the pleasure of a God towards you rather than the pseudo pleasure of His imperfect creations.
and that is why.its best to aim your life.to God.because what ever happens.He does not disappoint you.like how His creations will.and when you do that.what ever feedback you get from the world.it will not strain you.and you would not be covered with disappointment thus you will not stress yourself.
and so.
after a while.while i was cutting the card boards.and switching my brain on and off in a middle of a very cold night.i realised.i must stop burdening this soul of mine.stop torturing this body with tones of unnecessary stress.stop aiming to be the best of all.
because.when the time comes.i am not even doing all these for myself.i am doing it for God.and He'll judge me for my efforts.not for the worldly things i have achieved.and to be the best.is to be the best of yourself.God is not cruel.the world is not a race between each other.it is something for us to embrace.instead.
so hey.dear souls out there.lighten yourself.its not them that you need to impress.its Him.... :)
have a good Friday with a lighter soul people.
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