minutes.hours.days.and weeks.passed.
and i realized i have abandoned this writing path for too long.forgive me for having ridiculous posts few days behind.indeed most are ridiculous and very little are amazing.or maybe none.so this time needless to say it is not ridiculously amazing.at all.
so i figured i shall stop the video posting and shall actually write.no more hiding behind songs.my words should worth more than some random melody i heard.after all.i want to speak for Allah don't i?
so to keep things updated.i have been well.and the start of this week was rejuvenating indeed.and may my story of a week begin with a far away kept feelings of Riya' (ostentation) and Ujub (vanity) for i am telling for the sake of sharing. :)
so for this week.i started of Monday and Tuesday quite different.something i have never done before.something i would have never been labelled for.i decided to join a group of wonderful people on a program.and in spite of being skeptical and scared of something that is very foreign.for which i am really.i managed to push that away.and pulled myself together.the program was held in a mosque.an architecturally simple but beautiful mosque.to me.
this may be ordinary to most.but for me.this is something very.very new.indeed.to be honest.the longest time i have stayed in a mosque is practically when u add the time of taking a wudhu' (ablution) and the time you take to pray. (a very fast pray.before) yes.that was the longest.and this time.to be able to be in a mosque for more than 10 minutes and at the same time to be surrounded by amazing people that speak of God.was not simply a choice.i made.but a gift.He gave.
and indeed it was.vitalizing for this low level of iman i own..indeed.
and for that two days i spent.mixed feelings filled this empty vessel i carried along with.a feeling of nervous.but yet calm.a feeling of empty.but yet content.a feeling of strained.but yet safe.
in all.i was simply drowned in seas of confusion.and i question myself relentlessly.
how did i get here?
the feeling of.
nervous for being surrounded by these group of people.that value life.but not as much as they value the life after life.
yet calm.for being able to be close to them....for me.to follow.
empty.for knowing i have so little knowledge to share.and what i know worth less than a speck of dust.compared to what they have.
yet.content.for knowing that for the first time in life.i truly value knowledge.knowledge of Him.
strained.for having to cope with such new milieu.that i was never introduced to.
yet.safe.for having to know.there are people out there.that i can simply reach.and ask.and this time.i know where to look for.
when everything ended.as i was sitting in a train.on my way to go back.i began to analyse everything.and even though there are things that i didn't manage to grasp fully along those two days.(because being a newbie is not easy) one thing that i am sure of.is that.
'Neb.....you are indeed lucky'
and i smiled.
so to 2 days.may you be a start to many days ahead... :)
because 'how did i get here?' has now changed to....'how can i get there again?'
salam<
ReplyDeleteselalu je kan kite cakap, nape la tak buat awal2, or benda ni tak jadi awal2. i'd say, Allah nak bagi cukup experience, bagi masak dulu buah, baru durian tu jatuh sendiri, walaupun kite tgk mcm dah masak, Allah kate belum lagi, hold dlu. tapi, alhamdulillah. what we are now defined by what we were before. yes mmg rase menyesal kenape tak awal sgt rasa ni, tapi that's aturan Tuhan, kita patut bersyukur dapat sentuhanNya dan tak dibiarkan terus hanyut. :)
senyum je baca, ilmu yes membezakan manusia, tapi Allah kata yang mulia itu taqwa, bukan siapa banyak isi dalam benak mindanya untuk diperkata. kata yang lahir dari hati itu lebih menyentuh kan dari boring facts? I am touched by ur writing over n over again. do istiqamah in writing.
may Allah bless us all.
salam ihya' Ramadhan, dear neb (:
ReplyDeleteAlhamdulillah, it feels great to have you in the group, though I wasn't actually IN the group, hehe.
anyways, i bet everyone in the group feels delighted to have you there, sharing whatever you have in your life, albeit the good or the bad ones.
plus, it'd be very absurd to have someone in the group whom doesn't have the darker past hidden somewhere inside, wouldn't it?
sorry for my grammatical errors, my friend, but glad to have you to share the light given by Him together with us, even though i'm not IN that group you just joined there, hehe.
anyways, hope this Ramadhan gives you something very special that only you AND Him shared between each other. You have thousands of chances whether or not to share those beautiful things you've got or felt or saw with the rest of us, including me.
(:
Hisham :
ReplyDeletewaalaikummusalam...indeed...i was grateful.but i guess the feeling of regretful is still there.i regret that i chose not to see and not to hear of what Allah had to offer before.and in spite of all that...i am grateful that instead of me not choosing to see and hear.He chose to let me view and listen instead.and it is far better than any thing i could have asked for.and to Allah my thanks goes to.i sure hope i'll gain more knowledge...because if the faith is there but i no not how to practice...it'll be such a waste eh..so harap Hisham bantu sikit2 yer..heheh :)
zulaikha :
waalaikumusalam..:)
hows ur Ramadhan? wonderful i hope :) thank you Zulaikha for ur support..my thank meant more than just words.and the only thing that worth as a return is God's reward to u..amin....
and no worries about the grammar...i find no flaws.. because i believe..the things we say for Allah...are all beautiful.. :)
and if its not too soon....Happy Eid to you ya :)